The Wizard’s Table Codex
Laughter at the end of the world.
— Entry 003 —
“In the Beginning, God Misplaced the Manual”
A funny, slightly ridiculous story about how the world began, how it got so weird, and why God might be watching it all with popcorn.
In the beginning!
God created the sky, the stars, the Earth, and… a big mess.
It wasn’t supposed to be a mess. At first, things went really well. The sun worked. The moon showed up on time. Trees grew. Cats were invented. God was feeling pretty proud.
But somewhere along the way, God lost the instruction manual.
This was a problem, because there was one very important note in the corner of that manual:
“Do NOT give humans free will before giving them empathy.”
OOPS!
Creation (Also Known As: “Let’s See What Happens”)
We have always assumed, omniscience means God knew everything. This is turning out to be false. It looks a lot like God assumed everything. Assumed humans would behave. Assumed free will came with common sense. Assumed no one would weaponize their shoe. “Ever had your mom take off her slipper and beat you with it? God didn’t account for that level of innovation.”
Unfortunately, the early version of humanity had two dominant traits: curiosity and pettiness. One moment they were naming animals; the next, they were squabbling over rocks.
God considered scrapping the project but had already promised he would create for seven days and couldn’t back out now without the board being pissed off.
The Structure of Heaven (Such As It Is)
Heaven, contrary to poetic belief, is less a choir and more of a semi-functioning administration. God is the head of everything and also the one answering tech support. Yeah, the original inventor of, ‘did you try turning it off and on again.’ The Holy Spirit is a kind of wireless connection that occasionally leaves mid-prayer.
The archangels serve as middle management. Gabriel writes passive-aggressive memos. Gabriel is petty. Michael has anger issues and once punched Lucifer into hell. No one knows what Raphael does, but morale drops when he’s gone.
Jesus once came to Earth as a one-man damage control team. Ok, he was sent. He delivered his message, performed miracles, and was promptly misunderstood, misquoted, and made into a bumper sticker. He now spends most of his time making loaves of sourdough and spying on humans.
The Empire Glitch
Empires were not part of the original plan.
God’s idea was more “be gentle caretakers” and less “conquer, hoard, and bulldoze the sacred.” But humans, equipped with too much ambition and not enough context, turned the world into a competition. They carved borders, built towers, and claimed God as their ambassador.
God issued a formal notice once:
“I said stewardship. Not monopoly. Stop weaponizing my words.”
—The Management
Naturally, no one read it. They were too busy building temples. The irony.
And Now?
The world groans. The oceans swell. The skies choke.
The empire is crumbling beneath its own weight, still insisting everything is under control.
Meanwhile, somewhere far away, God watches Earth like a play that’s dying and has bad reviews. There is exhaustion. There is heartbreak. This was not the intention. What will happen next?
Stay tuned as it unfolds. You do have front row seats. Ha Ha!
Laughter as Medicine
“When there’s nothing left to give, give your laugh to the void. It confuses the heck out of them.
Entry 003